I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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