I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
