Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
