my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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