my cup is half full, half full of rum.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
