i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
