Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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