i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
