So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I love you. Go after that dick
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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