How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize