Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
