a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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