he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
