yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize