Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
