you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
