literally had 100 drinks last night.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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