More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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