Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
