i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
