How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
