I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
