dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
