you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
