Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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