There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
