I skipped work to stalk him.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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