I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
