I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
