there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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