we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
