we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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