yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
