Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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