Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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