Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
