It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize