I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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