last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
They took my balls.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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