Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
