she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
