wat bout pragnant strippers??
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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