The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
