wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize