So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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