God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
