She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
