just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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