I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
