my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
it glows. i had to have it.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
