It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
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