i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
