sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
