Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
