i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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