i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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