well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
