I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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