it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
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