I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
zippers are such a cool invention
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
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