Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
My vagina is very pro this idea
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
