"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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