We named our party play list daddy issues
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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