3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
