We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
