I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
