I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
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