y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
