Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
that's an acceptable place to lick
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
